Listening Skill and Communication
Use Active Listening to Improve your Conversations
Listening skill and communication are inseparable. Learning effective listening skills will make you a better conversationalist and improve your relationships. A good listener is a good partner... What are effective listening skills? An active listener uses both verbal and non-verbal communication and asks appropriate skills. Another listening skill to develop is eye contact. Giving eye contact indicates interest and shows your partner that you are listening. Ever try to have a conversation with someone who is watching T.V.? You might as well be talking to the wall... In addition, an effective listener will unconsciously mirror the other person’s body language. When two people are in sync, this happens naturally.
Photo courtesy of liquene
Having good listening skills helps you
build rapport and get in tune with your partner.
"Mummy, you have to listen to me with your eyes as well as your ears."
Active Listening Skills
Effective listening skills require complete attention on the speaker. An active listener seeks clarification that they have heard the other person’s words and understand the meaning correctly. An active listener uses cues such as ‘aha’, ‘oh yah’ and ‘ok’ to show that they are listening.
Body Language
and Non-Verbal Communication
Appropriate body language such as leaning forward, eye contact, head nods or shakes, as well as saying, “yes”, “aha”, “okay”, encourages the person to continue sharing.Be aware of what your body or non-verbal language is saying to the other person. If you are looking in the other direction while another person is speaking, he may get the message that you are not interested...
Questioning Skills
Listening skill and communication also involves the use of questioning skills. Use questioning skills to encourage your speaker to elaborate on what they are feeling, thinking or doing with their situation/story.Open-ended questions allows the person to give you a detailed explanation of their story/situation. “What was the upsetting part for you about what he said?” “How do you think things will get better?” “Why do you feel your Dad was yelling at you today?”“How do you feel when he treats you like that?”“What does it mean to you when you got fired from your job?” Closed-ended questions help you get specific information from someone and do not allow for a detailed answer. “Do you enjoy your work?”“What is your favorite subject at school?”“Did you like the movie?” “Would you like spaghetti or chicken for dinner?” “Who do you think will get the promotion?” “How late did you work last night?” Leading questions put others on the defensive and do not allow the person to give you any information. They are really statements with a question mark. These questions judge, deny and give advice without the person being able to answer for themselves. They are fight starting questions! Its best to avoid these types of questions. - “Don’t you think he was rude to say that?”
- “Are you really going to wear that dress?”
- “Why didn’t you call me first?”
Paraphrasing and Summarizing
These conversation skills help clarify what the other person is saying. Use listening skill and communication to send the message that you are interested, and listening closely. Using paraphrasing and summarizing tells the speaker that you’ve received the information in the way they are trying to convey it. Share what you think the other person said. This is a technique that allows you to clarify if you've heard the message they are trying to convey. They will either agree that what you’ve heard is correct, or rephrase what they are saying to clarify the meaning. Knowing that you understand what they are saying, also encourages a person to share on a deeper level.
Responding to Feeling
Listen carefully to understand the other person’s feelings. People often carry strong emotions about a situation. When you acknowledging their feelings, it lightens their emotional load and enables them to take a step back from their situation to see everything more clearly. It is important to match the person’s level of intensity when reflecting their feelings. Examples would be: “You are feeling frustrated with that….” or “You are feeling hurt that he said those words to you.”
Listening skill and communication are closely linked, and to be a good listener takes practice. Learning to listen, give feedback and use body language appropriately, will all help you to be a better listener and conversationalist. And
being a better communicator
makes you a better friend or partner!
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