Try this Active Listening Technique and notice how it improves your relationships... with family... co-workers... friends...
"Daddy, you have to listen to me with your eyes as well as your ears."
Or you could communicate by speaking. Sometimes our verbal communication does not match our non-verbal gestures.
“No, I didn’t take any chocolate,” he said as he looked down and fidgeted.
“I’m not really upset about it,” she said with tears in her eyes.
Active listening is important for good communication.
Active Listening Skills
For Good Communication
When we are practicing active listening we are using both non-verbal and verbal communication, while being aware of what the other person is trying to communicate to us. How does active listening look and feel?
How does it feel to have someone REALLY listening and how does it feel to have someone HALF listening or not listening at all?
How often did you have some sort of an assumption when asking or listening to the other person?
How do small children ask a question?… With no assumption, just curiosity.
“Yah, yah.. I’m listening,” he said as he stared at the television.
Learn how to read body language...
An Exercise for Improving
Communication Skills
Try this communication exercise to see how it works.Your goal is to make your friends and family talk more about their lives and situations.
For a minimum of one week, practice being the listener in different conversations.
- As an active listener you remove all judgment about the other person’s situation. You do not give them any advice or your opinion – you just simply listen.
- You do not do the talking – you allow them to talk. You give them the freedom to express, to let go of anything they have bottled up.
- You may notice that if you nod your head at appropriate times it encourages them to talk more.
- Be aware of how eye contact affect the flow of communication – if eye contact gets them talking more, make eye contact – if not, don’t. If you look away and stare at something in the distance does it make them hesitate or stop talking? If so, then keep your focus on them – keep them chatting! Use verbal cues during the conversation to encourage them to talk – “aha”, “oh yah”.
- Organize some time with a friend for a get-together and practice being a listener. Practice being the listener with your children. Ask the lady at the grocery store where she got her necklace – and just listen without talking – nod your head – “wow” “really?”.
- Try experimenting with body language during the different conversations. How do they react when you lean forward? When you make eye contact? When you cross your arms? When you look away while they are talking? How does each body movement feel to you? And how does it affect the flow of the conversation? What do you think your body language is telling the other person?
- Pay attention to their body language. Did their body language match with their verbal communication? Were they fidgeting, looking down, looking away? Did they look directly at you when telling you something? Or clear their throat?
- How does their body language affect how you feel? If its a slimy guy and he leans forward how do you feel? Or if it’s a friend who touches your arm how do you feel? (If you want any ideas – watch a talk show and see how they get a person to talk – or even curve the conversation when needed).
- Be aware of how non-verbal communication affects the situation. If the other person you are leaning into backs off, they are feeling uncomfortable--give them space. If you lean on a table to indicate interest while your friend is chatting, notice her reaction – does she chat with more fervor or get shy and embarrassed with what she is saying?
You can have a lot of fun with this, but you will also learn some communication techniques and communication skills that work!
In addition to the above ideas, try mirroring. Communication skills can be verbal or non-verbal.
Body language practice would be to mirror the other person – their body movements and also facial expressions – then swap – then both mirror the other with no leader and no follower.
Role play with body language. Try acting out a scene for others to guess. Use only body language – actions – no words. We used to play a game called Charades, that used body language to communicate.
Try these communications skills this coming week, and see what happens...
Learn how to read body language, with expert Robert Phipps...
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