Assertiveness Training

How to change stress-related behaviour

Assertiveness Training: Assertiveness is explained as feeling comfortable about your own beliefs, attitudes, thoughts, feelings and actions. It is having the ability to stay calm while handling conflict situations in a positive and constructive way. Being assertive is to express your feelings to achieve your needs.

Assertiveness training is used to change stress-related behaviors. It can help improve relationships and reduce stress when dealing with difficult situations.

Assertion Training improves confidence, social skills, shyness, intimacy. Be more outgoing, tactfully resolve conflicts, and overcome fears.

When you are using assertion skills you understand that you have personal rights to:

** Feel good about yourself
** Change your mind
** Say no and not feel guilty
** Have you own opinion
** Ask for help and receive guidance
** Ask for what you want
** Protest unfair treatment or criticism
** Be recognised for your achievements
** Take your time to form a response
** To experience and express your feelings

When learning assertiveness training you alter your reaction to stressful situations. Sometimes our reactions to situations does not alleviate the problem and instead could make it worse. When you realise that your behavior is unhelpful you take action to alter them to achieve a better result.

Tips for Being Assertive:

1. “I” statements – Learn to express your feelings and emotions using “I” statements. Become comfortable expressing yourself by speaking about what you feel. By speaking with “I” statements you recognise that your opinions, thoughts, feelings are worthy. Examples: “I’m upset about…”, “I feel angry….”, “I think you are wrong about …”.

2. Say “NO” - Be truthful about your needs. Helping someone is a kind gesture, but when its inconvenient for you it can drain your energy. Saying “yes” when it drain your energy can result in feelings of resent and victimization (‘poor me’) of yourself. Saying “no” sometimes brings up feelings of guilt, but people have the right to refuse a request. Your problems and life’s circumstances are just as important as the other person’s. You need to balance out your resources and energies. Help someone when its convenient for you.

3. Body language – Non-verbal communication plays a big part in all aspects of communication. In assertiveness training pay attention to your body language when speaking your thoughts and feelings. Use your body language to portray confidence, stand up tall – no slouching.

4. Eye contact - Lack of eye contact could be interpreted as feelings of insecurity, dishonesty and lack of confidence. When keeping eye contact re-direct your attention laterally for a short period of time then make eye contact again. This gives the message that your are confident, but not being intrusive or dominating.

5. Balance it out - When asserting yourself the idea is to state your opinion or feelings, but then take into consideration the other person’s. Ask questions and try to figure out their side of the story. Try to come to a decision that works for both sides. Avoid being intimidating, hurtful, denying that a problem exists, or changing the subject. Those actions don’t solve the problem effectively and can ruin trust in relationships.

6. Problem Solving Skills - Use conscious actions and problem solving skills instead of an emotional reaction. Sometimes our emotions can take control of our actions and the response produce feelings of anger, fear or victimization. Think before you speak and act. Try to figure out a solution.

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Stress Affect Home Page & How to develop an effective stress management plan.

Assertiveness Skills - More techniques of Behavior Modification

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